Letter for all the Mom’s… the low down dirty truth

For the longest time I was not a fan of blogging… and to be honest I would get annoyed by those people that I saw out and about that had to stop and take a pic and blog or post or make sure that the moment was captured, documented and shared with the world… Was all this for their own memory bank later, or was this just a way to validate the moment and have the “like” it to make it real to them.

Then I had kids… it is still amazing to me how no matter how many times you hear kids change everything, you don’t really realize it’s EVERYTHING until every day that passes.  After my daughter was born I discovered bloggers, really good ones, that were just writing about their life in a way to make others know that they had the same problems, same experiences, and wanted to sometimes duct tape their amazing wonderful little monsters to the wall for 10 minutes of peace and quiet as well.  I was in love and inspired.

After that I read a post from my favourite blogger where she shared some of the dark moments of early mommyhood that no one wants to talk about. 

Why is that? 

Why are we so determined to capture, crop, edit, filter and then share the seemingly “perfect” moment, but we hide the real ones?

We keep those moments, the ones that can make others feel less alone, less afraid, less ashamed of themselves and hide them, bury them really, deep down inside.  Sharing is  SO hard, I get that.  Sharing something that maybe you are ashamed of yourself (when you shouldn’t be!) is even harder.  But then I look around at all the people that are begging to not feel alone in their experiences.  I think of how alone I felt after my first miscarriage, until someone took my hand and told me I wasn’t.  I want to be that hand for someone else.  I am willing to share it all with you, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the stuff I buried way down deep.  Or as I call it “The Low Down and Dirty”… to be continued…




For My Husband… thank you for loving the crazy!

Dear Hubs,

It was Bell Let’s Talk Day last week, and it made me think of you… made me think of us… made me so F***ing grateful we found each other and have held on tight for all these years.  So being the emo, sentimental schmoop I can be, I wrote this for you.

Love you always, hopefully the way I think of you can remind others of the way they love and are loved.

~ amky

What do you do when you are tired?

When you are tired of the fight?

When you are tired of being brave?

When your soul is tired;

How do you go on?

Do you see me?

Do you see all of me?

Do you see beyond the smile?

Do you see what’s in my eyes?

Do you see all that is hidden;

The weariness inside?

Can you hold me when I sleep?

Can you always cheer me on?

Can you lift me up?

Can you light the dark?

Can your soul comfort mine;

When the night is so long?


The heart that beats with mine.

The lungs giving life and air to me.

The arms that carry me, hold me, protect me.

The mouth speaking words, words I sometimes forget to say.

The eyes that see me, see all of me,

Even when I look away.

The soul that reaches out, sings, whispers

Songs and words I can’t forget;

For you, always, I am here.





What am I Doing? Letter to Myself

Dear  Me… and whoever else is reading this.

What the f*** am I doing?  Wait I know… I am trying to work full time, parent my awesome kids that I know are trying to slow kill me or assert dominance – is there really a difference – and try to keep my marriage breathing and thriving.  Not too much on my plate… HAH!

Thank goodness I am not actually alone in all this.  I have a group of super hero friends.  We can call them the Wine Squad! Why a pseudonym for a group of friends you ask,  especially since this is a letter to “me”… because while I have proven lately that I am ok putting myself out there, it’s not for me to do that to them.  So they will remain the Wine Squad for now.

Back to my point… did I have a point?  Oh yes, so I am trying really hard to keep my head above water.  This has been so much harder lately, but that could just be because my back is F***ED to high hell, and that makes treading water uber easy,  (if you can’t joke about the stress it makes this motherhood thing SO much harder).

The hubs asks me jokingly multiple times a day, “why did we have kids”… then they do something like hug you with hot sweaty hands on the back of your neck, tell a joke that only someone with your messed up sense of humour would understand, say “I love you” or just smile; then there it is.  There is reason.  To see your heart live outside you, and your lungs take air from  beyond your own body.

So really, what is my point here…?  To be honest, it’s to vent it out and remind myself, and whoever else that none of us are alone.  We are part of such a huge community, and we can all be there, just to put out our truths so someone else can read it and not feel alone either.

Can I promise to be the funniest thing you’ll read – no at all.  Never actually if you believe the hub

Can I promise to share it all, put it out there even when TMI – for sure.  Because for me I have learned that keeping it in will solely poison me, and make asserting dominance for the wee ones so much easier.

So here’s to truth, and not feeling alone… Cheers to me, and no one, and everyone!